11. On Darkness
Chuck Norris turns on a night light when he goes to bed. It’s not because he’s scared of the dark – it’s because the dark is scared of him.
12. On Sex
When girls have sex with god, they scream CHUCK NORRIS!!
13. On the Titanic
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn’t hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
14. On Fitness Training
That’s not Chuck Norris doing push-ups — that’s Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
15. On Alien vs. Predator
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into pre-production. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
16. On Live Performances
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
17. On Extreme Sports
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
18. On Teenage Experiences
The pie scene in “American Pie” is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris’ case, the “pie” was the molten crater of an active volcano.
19. On the Origin of Mankind
God said “Let there be life.” and Chuck Norris said “Say please.”
20. On Technology
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.